The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
