That's intense
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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