508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
