OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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