There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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