We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
