My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize