I can't breathe out the right side of my face
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
