omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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