So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
