I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
