you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
