Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
this hospital has no fireball
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
