new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
