Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
