you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
