she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
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