I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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