so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize