Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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