There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
