I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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