Duck Duck Cougar?
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Randomize
