Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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