Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
