I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
