nut hugger
Pants 0. Shit 1.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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