I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Randomize
