sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
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