Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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