the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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