Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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