There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Everyone says I win the strip club
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
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