if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
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