Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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