Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Randomize
