i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Randomize
