kristin has been a bad kristin
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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