have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
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