I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
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Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
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My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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