Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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