a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
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She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
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I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
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