This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
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There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
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Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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