I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Randomize
