Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
