Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
