I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
