hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Randomize
