I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
