he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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