One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
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