Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
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nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
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I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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