You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
