The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Randomize
