we have pet lesbian snakes
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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