I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
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I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
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I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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