There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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