oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Randomize
