I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
My life is pants optional.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
