I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Randomize
