Ok let me ask a question, does aderall make women less apt to have sex?
Cause it just destroys penises
Was that inappropriate? I can't gauge these things anymore
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
