she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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