Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
